Katzendamon
by Aurifex
Summary: Al hides a kitten from Edward in his armor. Then, there's a whole shpeil with a certain palmtree headed homunculus and a mishap in a transmutation involving the kitten. Envy gets turned into a cat, and has to stay with Ed at Pinako's house! Chaos!
1. Chimera

Author's Notes: My first Fanfic ever. -cheers and runs around in freaky circles- It kind of sucks, but, this IS my first one, after all. Erm, well... the title of this story is German for 'cat demon'. I was going to call it "A Sin in Cat's Clothing", but my friends told me it sounded like an Aesop fable...and I realized they were right.

Oh, and I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist. Wish I did, but I don't.

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"No."

"Pleeeeeeease?"

"I said NO, Al!"

"But he's so fuzzy and cute!"

"Al, we have no place in Central for a cat!"

"But look at him!"

Edward Elric turned around and came face to face with green eyes. He stared blandly at a fluffy black and white kitten. It mewed.

"Al..." Edward moaned, hanging his head. "We CANNOT keep him! Roy will murder us if he finds it here!"

"But nii-san-"

"Take him outside, Al."

Alphonse hugged the kitten to his armored body, shaking his helmet fervently. "No! We can't leave him out there!"

"Al!"

"Oh...all right."

Edward sighed. "Thank you. I'll be in Colonel Roy's office...getting yelled at..." Ed tromped off down the hall, leaving his armor-plated brother standing alone.

"Stupid brother.." Al muttered, cuddling the small cat in one arm and turning to leave. He took three steps, and paused. The kitten mewled pleadingly and rubbed against the armor's chestplate. Al glanced around, then opened his chestplate. He slipped the struggling kitten inside and shut it, then hurried off to find Nii-san.

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About two hours later, Ed and Al were in their room at Central. Ed was sitting against the wall, looking through a book, while Al was staring out the window and thinking. About the kitten.

Of course it was going to need food. He wasn't sure where to get any fish or milk though. Ed wouldn't let milk pass through that door, he was sure of it. He would have to let it out at night to go to the bathroom. He knew it would need water. He could always use the bathrooms or the kitchen sinks for that. He felt the kitten stir in its sleep.

It was a few minutes before he realized that Ed was talking to him.

"Al?"

"Huh? Oh, er, nii-san, uh..."

"Al..." Ed furrowed his brow and flicked a peice of blonde hair from his face. "I've been asking you for ten minutes... Should we go back to Risembool tomorrow or should we wait until the day after? It's Winry's birthday on thursday and we promised we'd be there."

"Oh...um... let's go tomorrow." Al decided, and turned back towards the window.

"Fine." Ed said, and turned back to his book. He looked up again. "Al...you're not still upset about that cat, are you? You've been acting so distant since you put it back outside."

"Yeah, uh...I..I miss it still..I wanted to keep it." Al stammered, not looking at Ed.

"Al, you know we can't keep a cat..." Ed said softly, turning a page in his book and brushing hair out of his eyes again. "We don't have the time or the place to keep it."

Al nodded. "Yeah, I know."

Ed sighed and put the book down. "I'm going to bed. Be ready to leave in the morning." He wandered over to the small bed and sat down, pulling off his red coat and slinging it over the headboard. He removed his jacket and tanktop before finally removing his leather pants. He collapsed onto the bed and pulled the blanket over him before finally beginning to snore.

Al opened up his chestplate as quietly as he could and stroked the kitten gently. It purred. Al got up, clanking softly, and left the room.

He hurried down the hall and into the bathroom. He opened his chestplate again and allowed the kitten to leapt out and run around the room. It gamboled around his feet and batted at the sink, which was gently dripping water. It lapped up some from the faucet.

If Al could have moved his mouth, he would have grinned. He knew that finding a dish now wasn't going to be a problem.

-----------

The next morning was a blur of train smoke and baggage. Ed and Al took the train from Central to Risembool. It was difficult for Al to sneak the kitten a can of tuna fish from the kitchen at Central. It had to last the whole train ride. And, fortunately it did, for when they arrived finally at Risembool, the kitten still had food left over.

It was noon when they got off at the train station. Al was worried. It was summer, and the kitten would be very hot in his armor. He cracked open the chestplate slightly to allow the kitten some air when nii-san wasn't looking. They needed ot get to Pinako's house quickly, or the kitten wouldn't get any water. Or food, for that matter.

"Let's go, Al." Ed said, yawning. He had slept for most of the train ride, and just woken up. "Pinako's expecting us for dinner."

"Did you call her this morning before we left?" Al asked, following Edward down the path.

"No, I called her at the last train station." Ed mumbled, shifting his suitcase from one hand to the other. "I told her we would be there by four."

"Oh..." Al said, feeling the kitten rolling around inside his armor.

"I hope she's making steak." Ed said, a sloppy grin on his face. "God how I love her-"

"Well, well, look who's here!"

Edward's face contorted into a snarl. Without thinking, he automatically transmuted his automail into a serrated blade and holding it at the ready. "Lust...Envy..what an unpleasant surprise"  
Sure enough, there they were. Envy, with his brackish mane of hair dangling in front of his face and a roguish grin on his pale face, was crouched in the lower branches of a splaying oak. Lust was leaning against the trunk, her arms crossed over her chest, smiling cynically. 

"Hagane O'chibi-san!" Envy chuckled darkly, putting one hand on the tree's trunk for support. "You've grown shorter!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MIDGET SO SHORT HE COULDN'T EVEN PASS FOR A CHILD'S DOLL BECAUSE THEY'RE TALLER THAN HALF OF MY HEIGHT?"

Lust chuckled. "He's so quick to anger. You shouldn't toy with him like that, Envy."

The older homunculus shrugged his bony shoulders. "Why not? It's fun. Now can I get the watch now or what?"

Lust nodded. "Go ahead. Just remember what she said." 

Envy grinned and leapt off the branch, landing catlike on the ground. He straightened up, and, in a flash, was on Edward like lightning. This all happened in very quick succession, so quick that Edward was taken by surprise. He lunged forward with his automail blade outstretched, aching to feel the Envy's skin ripping underneath it. Envy ducked underneath him. Ed felt a strong pull near his pocket, and looked down to see Envy's hand closing over the silver watch.

"Oh, FUCK no!" Edward yelled, stabbing downwards at Envy's arm. Contact. Envy howled in rage and pulled back- but not before he had the watch in his hand.

Envy danced backwards out of Edward's reach, spitting curse words every other step. His arm was cut almost to the bone, and already, his entire left arm was glistening wetly with crimson. "Come on, Chibi-san, let's see what else you can do?"

"Nii-San!" Al cried, running forward to help. Rapier-like fingers thrust forward and blocked the armored alchemist from helping. Lust chuckled again.

"I don't think so, Alphonse Elric."

"What are you going to do with the watch? Neither of you can use it!"

Lust hissed, narrowing her eyes. "Stay back, Alphonse."

Edward leapt on Envy, tackling the homonculus to the ground. It was a scuffle of red coats and green hair, until...

CLAP!

"Kitty!"

Several things happened in quick succession. The kitten, terrfied at the noise, leapt forward out of Al's chestplate and away from him, running straight into the fray! At the same time, Edward clapped his hands to do a transmutation. In a blast of blue electricity and smoke, it was all over.

The silence that followed was thick and heavy. Two things lay sprawled on the ground in the midst of dirt, rocks, and Envy's blood. One of them was Edward. His lip was bleeding, and many scratches and cut lined his face and arms. The other thing was...well...neither the cat or a Sin.

It was large, and curled in a ball, clawed hands over the back of its head in a fetal position. It was covered in jagged black fur, spiked with blood and sweat. It had a spiky mane of dark green hair on the top of its head. A long tail sprouted from underneath the skort that used to belong to Envy. It's face was hidden by the green hair, but everyone knew at once who it was.

"Envy.." Lust breathed, taking a step back and retracting her fingers to normal size. "Oh my god.."

The creature moved, and an unhuman rasping noise came from it's throat. It removed the taloned hands from its head and put them on the ground. It pushed itself upward and tried to stand upright like a human, but fell down on the ground almost immediately. It lifted its head and stared at Edward.

Envy made a strangled choking sound in his throat, seeming to gasp for air. Then, he was silent. For five seconds..ten seconds...fifteen...twenty...

All at once, Envy threw back his head and let loose with a horrible, blood-curling yell that fluctuated and turned into the shriek of a feral she-cat. It seemed to be every single emotion, both feline and homunculi, all at once, regurgitated backwards through Envy's throat.

Silence reigned for what seemed like eons. Then, Envy, shaking with what could either be weakness, rage, or dispair, hung his head and made several more choking sounds. He raised his head again and looked at Edward with as much fury as he could muster raging black fire in his violet eyes. Envy's face was distorted into that of what looked like a panther's. Except for the violet eyes, hair, and headband (which was falling down over his eyes, as it was too small for him), he was completely unrecognizable.

"E-d..." Envy rasped. His androgynous voice had changed so that it was rough, jagged, and slow. It still sounded like Envy, however. Just an Envy with laryngitus. "Ed...ward..."

Lust bent down and picked up a scrap of black cloth nearby. It was Envy's tanktop. When the transmutation had been completed, Envy's new, muscular cat form had been too large for the small cloth, meant to fit a smaller, thinner, HUMAN Envy, and it had torn completely in half. The same fate had met his fingerless gloves and leg wraps- Envy's hands and feet had expanded into heavy, taloned paws.

Envy stood up again, but this time the proper way- on all fours. His skort was still remaining- it had apparently not had to carry enough strain in the form of muscles. Envy staggered towards Edward, who, still on the ground, scrambled backwards hurriedly.

"Kitty..?" Al whimpered. "Envy..? What...?"

"Ed..." Envy gasped again.

Lust took a few steps backwards and knelt beside Envy. She put a gloved hand on her fellow homunculus's shoulder. Envy did not react, except to flick his eyes to her.

"Envy." Lust said simply.

Envy finally turned his head towards her. "Wh-what...h-hap...ppened?" He asked simply. "Cat...?" The outrage in his eyes had turned to a strange, pleading expression that Lust had never seen there before. 

Edward seemed not to have been breathing the whole time. He let all his breath out in a gasp and his golden eyes widened. "C-chimera..." He said, in shock. "He...I...I...turned him...into a chimera? On accident? How? Where did the cat come from?"

Lust swallowed. "I think so. That cat that your brother was sheltering in his armor... it ran away and in the way of your transmutation." Envy blinked in shock. He swayed on his paws, his eyes sliding out of focus and a glazed look coming into them. Lust put her hands on the cat's broad shoulders, steadying him. Envy collapsed into her arms. Without thinking, Lust stroked him behind the ears.

"What are we going to do with him now?" Lust asked, biting her lip.

Author's Final Word: To see picture... http/img. Yes I know it sucks ass. Nothing I can do 'bout that except taking more art lessons.

Dante 


	2. The Apple and the Explaination

Author's Notes: Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. Rather short, I know.

Ed frowned. "Why are you asking me? He's YOUR headache, Lust."

Lust looked down at the very large kitten in her lap. He was roughly the size of a bobcat. "What do you mean?"

"WE sure as heck aren't keeping him!" Edward snarled.

"Nii-san!" Al spoke up at last. "Why can't we take him?"

"Number 1...He's a cat. Number 2...He's a Homunculus. Number 3... How will we explain him to Pinako?" Edward recited, standing up at last and dusting himself off. He looked down at Lust, kneeling in Envy's blood.

"Ed, he can't do anything to us." Al pleaded. "He's a cat! What's he going to do, hiss?"

"AL! YOU'RE NOT THE ONE IN DANGER!" Ed yelled.

"What'dyou mean?" Al asked, puzzled.

Edward crept a couple feet closer to Envy and Lust. One of Envy's huge paws was dangling down from his crumpled form. Envy's eyes snapped open as Ed drew near, and he grunted low, "Don't...come any closer...Elric." He said slowly.

Edward stopped in his tracks, but pointed to Envy's unsheathed claws. "YOU can't be hurt by those. Or THOSE-" He pointed to Envy's furry face, evidently indicated the large fangs that resided within. "I, however, have skin, and they-" He motioned to Envy's deadly appendages. "Will hurt like hell."

"I'll..stick them..up...your ass...Elric." Envy rasped, lifting his head and turning to face the alchemist, fury in his face again. "I'll tear..you to threads!"

Lust put her arms around the big cat's neck, restraining him. "No! Envy!"

"Are...you sticking up..for O'chibi-san...Lust?" Envy growled.

"Envy...if you kill him...you won't be able to be...well..not 'human', but you won't have a human shape anymore. You'll be stuck like this forever." Lust said gently.

Realization dawned on Envy, and the fur on the back of his neck rose without intent. "Oh, god..." He said. "You're...right."

Lust nudged Envy off of her. He was quite heavy. She scooted over to that she was faced with his tailend. She extended one of her lance-like fingers and tore through the skort around Envy's middle. It fell off. It was revealed now that he was not all black- some spots of white spangled his back and hindquarters. Just like the kitten.

Envy felt blood creep into his face in embarassment. He felt Lust smooth out the fur where the seam of the skort had bit into his skin. Outwardly, he grunted and pretended to want her to stop. But inside...he felt a burning desire for her to continue. It felt wonderful, the sensation of her cool hands on his sweaty flank.

Lust noticed the glazed look of pleasure in Envy's almond shaped eyes, despite his body motions that indicated uncomfortableness. She allowed herself a small smile, and ran a hand along Envy's sleek back. A shiver rippled his muscular spine.

Ed and Al were stil arguing.

"WE CANNOT KEEP HIM WITH US!"

"HE WON'T HURT YOU!"

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO SURE?"

"YOU HEARD WHAT LUST SAID!"

"WHY CAN'T DANTE JUST CHANGE HIM BACK?"

"Edward." Lust said suddenly. Edward glared at her.

"What?" He snarled.

"Please take him. He can't stay with me."

Edward was silent. "Why should I?"

"If you don't..." Envy growled. "...I'll kill...you."

"Envy! Shut up." Lust said quietly. She looked at Edward with pleading eyes. "Please. If you leave him this way...he can and probably will kill you. If you change him back, he'll retreat quietly. Without hurting you. You're the only one around here powerful enough to change him back."

Envy hissed angrily. "WHAT? I'LL RETREAT QUIETLY? HE TURNED ME INTO A FUCKING CAT, LUST!"

Lust sighed. "Be quiet, Envy..."

Envy opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it.

"I don't know how." Ed admitted, casting his eyes away.

"Learn." Lust said.

"But I...What will our host say? We're staying with...family." Edward said quietly.

"She won't mind. According to you...Envy-san is just a rare mountain stray that you found on your way here. He was hurt and needed help, and your brother wanted to take him to your host's house to heal him. While you're there, study. I take it you have some alchemy books in that bag..." She nodded towards Ed's suitcase. "I'll check in every night at midnight. I'll be at your window."

She looked at Envy. "And you..don't complain, no matter what. No talking, no attacking anybody. Eat what they give you. Don't leave."

Envy grunted. "But I don't want to."

"Too bad, Envy. If you want to become normal again...you'll have to live like a cat." Lust said softly, reaching up to his face and gently sliding the headband through Envy's brackish mane of hair. "It won't be for long." She stood up. Blood was smeared all down the front of her black dress. Gravel and dirt was stuck to the blood.

Envy looked at her pleadingly. "But..." Words failed him, and he hung his head in defeat. He didn't like to admit it...but she was right. "Okay. I'll with it." He shot a firey glance at Edward. "If only to be myself again." He stood up, shook himself, and took a couple experimental steps forward.

Lust reached down, brushed her hand against his face, and turned. "I'll see you tonight." She stared walking, and, soon enough, disappeared into the distance.

Envy swung around to face Edward. He took a few steps forward, then fell on his face. Edward laughed. "Screw you." Envy snarled. "I'm not used to walking like this. "

Ed shook his blonde head. "You...look so funny." He said.

Envy got up and took three shaky steps so that he was directly in front of Ed. Then, without warning, claws shot out and raked Ed's real leg. Ed leapt backwards with an angry howl and danced on one foot, holding his hand over the bleeding wound.

Envy smirked and began to run in the direction of Pinako's house. Al looked at Ed, still hopping on the spot, then caught up the suitcase and ran after the fleeing chimera.

------------

"Sooooo... tell me where you found him again?"

"Pinako, we've told you a zillion times... we found him in the mountains on our way here!"

"But why not take the train? Why'd you take the mountain route?"

"..We were, but when we went to the station they didn't have any more boardings in this direction."

Edward, Al, Pinako, and Winry, were seated around the wooden table eating dinner. Envy was pacing back and forth in the kitchen, shivering. The homunculus inside him never ate. It wasn't needed. But now, the cat inside him was HUNGRY. His stomach growled complainingly as if to emphasize this thought. The smell of chicken drifting from the table was wonderful. It was cruel that Envy should be here, in the kitchen, instead of out there and eating.

The kitchen door creaked open. Winry stood in the door, a bowl in her hands. Envy's ears pricked up and he stared at her, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"Hello, kitty..." Winry crooned. She put the bowl down in front of Envy. It was half-full of chicken. "Grandma took the bones out so you wouldn't choke on them." She put her hand on Envy's head, running her fingers through his hair. "What strange fur you have...It's beautiful. But it's so familar. I know I've seen someone with hair like this once."

Envy jumped as Winry touched him, but gobbled down the chicken faster than he could swallow. Winry blinked, as Envy stepped back from the bowl, now empty.

"That...was creepy-fast." Winry said slowly, picking the bowl up.

Envy opened his mouth to order her to get more-"I wa-" but remembered that he wasn't supposed to talk. "WaaAAaaaarrrrww."

He turned his sentance into a strangled meow. Winry laughed. "You're a weird cat..." Still giggling, she turned and left, leaving the kitchen door closed.

Envy stared after her, silent. That bitch.

"I'm hungry." He said pointedly to the empty room. He looked around. A sink, a stove, counters, and a refridgerator.

REFRIDGERATOR.

He padded over to it, and pawed angrily at the handle. It wouldn't budge. He pushed his head against it, rotating his neck up and out so that the fridge would push open. Nothing. He sighed dejectedly and ran his long pink tongue over his canines. This was not going to taste good. He grimaced, wrapped his teeth around the fridge's handle and pulled. It swung open.

Success! Envy stepped forward to peer into the fridge. The door was beind held open by his speckled hindquarters, acting as a doorstop. He reached up and pawed at a bottle of amber liquid. Perhaps it was beer...could cats get drunk? The bottle swayed precariously for a minute, then smashed to the floor. Envy bent and lapped some up eagerly.

It took every single cell in his body to restrain himself from vomiting.

Apple vinegar.

He gagged, and wrenched his head from side to side, his tongue hanging out and his back arching. So, so foul. His chest heaving, he looked back up into the fridge and spied somthing he KNEW would taste good. Three apples sat on the shelf at his eye level. He knocked them off the shelf and out of the fridge. One of them bounced and rolled away, towards the stove.

Food was forgotten as Envy chased after the apple. He pounced on it, snatching it between two paws, and flicking it up into the air again.

He scrambled for it as it rolled to the other side of the room, near the kitchen door.

SLAM!

He burst through the door and into the dining room, still chasing the apple. He leapt on the fruit and rolled over several times before skidding to a halt beside Pinako's chair.

Silence.

Envy was humiliated. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit and piss. He looked at Edward, whose eyes were narrowed in his effort to not laugh. He swallowed hard, and looked from Pinako to Al to Winry. Pinako was watching him with an amused expression on her face, Al was looking pointedly away, and Winry...squealed in delight and got up from the table. She bent down besides Envy and put her arms around his neck.

"How cuuuuuuute!" She gushed. She rocked back and forth, Envy grinding his teeth in embarassment. "Kitty's so playful!"

Edward couldn't help himself. He suddenly broke loose with a raucous yell of laughter. He put his head down on the table and continued laughing.

Pinako looked up at Ed in surprise. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

Edward straightened up, looking shocked. "N-nothing, Pinako..it's just funny. It's such a big cat, playing with somthing so strange..." He shot Envy a malevolent look. "I mean, the cute little thing must be so lonely he needs to play wiff apples!" He said, his voice contorted to a higher tone, and he clasped his hands together in a pathetic display of mocking cuteness.

Envy's head drooped and his ears flattened. Anger was boiling inside him. That bastard. He wriggled free of Winry's grip, then leapt at Edward under the table with a wild scream.

Edward yelled and fell backwards off his chair, kicking and scrambling away from the VERY pissed-off Envy. Envy landed on Edward's back, yowling and clawing and biting in a fit of rage.

"Nii-san!" Al said. He rushed forward and pulled the struggling pair apart. Envy howled and kicked and thrashed in Al's grasp. Al had to hold the straining chimera in both arms, clamped tight to his chest.

Chaos reigned for several more minutes, until Envy finally calmed down enough to hang limp in Al's arms, worn out. Edward had ended up on the table, panting and bleeding from several spots where Envy's claws had met skin. Winry was backed up against the wall, looking shocked. Pinako was still sitting at the table, chewing on her pipe and looking vague.

"You shithead!" Edward yelled at Envy, who was panting hard and shooting Edward hating looks. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR? WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?" He was silent. Then he said, "ANSWER ME, YOU-!"

"Ed..." Winry said, taking a couple steps forward.

"WHAT?"

"Um...kitty can't talk."

Edward's face burned crimson. Pinako chuckled and got up from the table.

"Good night, guys." She disappeared from the dining room, shutting the door behind her. Silence filled the room. Envy grinned, and slithered from Al's grasp. He sauntered over to Winry, and rubbed up against her legs, purring loudly. Winry smiled and stroked him behind the ears.

"You smug little shit." Ed hissed, and leapt off the table. "I'm going to bed."

Envy gave a low, loud 'mrrow!' Edward blinked, then remembered that they were supposed to meet Lust. "Winry, what time is it?" He asked, looking over his shoulder.

Winry looked at the clock. "9:00. Why?"

Edward shrugged. "Nothing. I was just wondering...I'm tired...but it's not that late. I'm gonna wait to go to bed." He sat down at the table, and glared at Envy.

Winry sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall. She continued to stroke Envy's head.

A wonderful idea blossomed in Envy's brain. Ed was extremely agitated...so why not make it worse? An evil grin spread over his face, and he looked at Edward with malice in his purple eyes.

He purred a low and deep rumble in his throat, and rubbed his head against Winry's arm, up and down her forearm. He put a paw on her lap, and nudged up against her neck. Winry giggled and put an arm around Envy's soft shoulders. and Envy ran his tongue over her neck.

He stole a glance at Edward.

A thoroughly outraged expression lay on the alchemist's handsome face. It was brick red, and his eyebrows were at diagonal slants over his narrowed eyes. His teeth were set in a tight, skeletal grimace, like a death smile.

Envy chuckled, but then quickly turned his laughter into a purr. He put his other paw on Winry's shoulder, and licked up her neck...her chin... her face...

"DAMMIT ENVY!"

The words spat from Edward's mouth before he could stop himself. He stared at Envy, whose eyes had widened in utter horror. Winry frowned.

"Envy? Huh-WHAT? What does HE have to do with this?" She asked, furrowing her brow. She looked at the cat, whose purple eyes were still shocked. She gasped, and took a lock of spiky fur in her hand. "No...there's no way..." She breathed. "Edward...?"

Shit. Envy knew he shouldn't have pushed the envelope so far. But to cause Edward so much anger was exhilerating.

"W-what?" Edward stammered, putting on a pathetic show of confusion.

"You know very well what." Winry said, scooting away from Envy, looking scared. "Is that really... that homunculus? The one who killed Hughes?"

Envy swallowed hard.

Edward opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. "I..er, no, I mean, yes, but no..." He spluttered, casting his eyes towards Al, who was now sitting at the other end of the table.

Envy hung his head and sighed.

Al shook his head. "No, it's not Envy, Winry." He said quickly. Winry rolled her eyes.

"Guys...don't lie to me."

Envy opened his mouth and spoke. His voice was rocky again, and he stumbled over words like he did when he first talked after his transformation. Apparently, not speaking for so long had worn his voice. "I...Envy." 


	3. Title Undecided

**AnimeDutchess** : ...

...DUDE! awesome! please update again soon!

**Shadows Child Kataki** : Update soon! Update soon! I'm lovin' this!

**Esplodin' Ookami** : OH MY GOD! This is so funny! Edo's a wee bit jealous of kitty, eh? XD

I like it. please continue!

**Ambroisine**: Aww, someway that all sounded kind of cute - I mean...aww... It would be nice to see what's going to happen next.

**Me**: Wow! Thanks, guys! I didn't expect this at all! XD

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The next hour was spent explaining. The next hour after that was spent trying to stop Winry from being afraid of Envy. And the hour after that was finally spent feeding Envy and dodging his humiliated insults.

"So it's agreed..." Ed was saying. He was sitting on Pinako's countertop, leaning against the wall with his legs crossed, watching Envy gulp down endless bowls of tempura rice that Winry had pulled out of the fridge. "We'll call him-" He nodded towards Envy, who hadn't spoken for almost ten minutes. "-Invidia...right?"

"Yeah." Winry said. She had gotten over how disgusting it had been that Envy had been licking her face and was scratching him at the scruff of the neck. "So if we accidentally start to call him Envy...we can catch ourselves. Env-idia. INV-idia. Sounds almost the same, doesn't it?"

"It IS the same." Envy said gruffly. He licked rice from his whiskers and looked up. "Envidia is just spelled with an E. They're promounced exactly the same way."

"No, you can defiantely hear the 'E' in there if you listen hard." Al said, leaning against the wall and tossing an apple from one hand to the other.

Envy shrugged, and went back to the food. The rice wasn't bad..it was somthing he hadn't had before. He yawned, and shook his head. He looked up past Edward and out the window. He could barely see the stars, sparkling out there like diamonds. He suddenly jumped. "O'Chibi-san! What time is it?"

Ed looked at the clock, then jumped as well. "SHIT!" He yelped. "Midnight!" He leapt off the counter, almost landed on Envy, who hissed and jumped out of the way, and ran out of the room. Envy, Al, and Winry followed hurriedly, Envy in the lead.

--------------

Lust was waiting. She was perched on the tree outside the den window, looking agitated.

"About time." She said, leaping from the tree to the windowsill. She clambered in gracefully and came to rest on the couch. Envy leapt up to join her, and he allowed her to pet him again. Full of rice and noodles, Envy had finally become docile and content. Physically, anyways. He had been spitting insults at Edward and Al since 9:30. It seemed that he was comfortable only near Winry.

Winry didn't mind. She sat on the windowsill after Lust had gotten out of the way, and watched the scene unfold.

"Why is she here?" Lust asked quietly, nodding towards Winry.

"She knows...it's okay." Envy said. Lust ran her left hand through Envy's hair and ran her hand all the way down to the base of his tail, where she paused and scratched for a couple seconds. Envy gave a low moan of longing.

"Don't get too used to it, Envy." Lust muttered. "I won't be giving you this favor when you're human again."

"Then why do you do it now?"

"It's a natural habit to pet a cat, sorry."

"Oh..." Envy said. "Come on..." He said mischeviously. "This is the first time you've wanted to touch me everywhere and I can't enjoy it properly!"

Lust giggled despite herself. "Okay...how's this-When you're human again, I'll stroke your hair once in a while."

Envy grinned. "Deal."

"Ahem..." Edward said, narrowing his eyes angrily. "Can we get started here? Or are you two guys going to keep yammeling?"

Envy's hackles raised, and he growled. "Be quiet, Fullmetal runt."

Ed's eye twitched as his face reddened, but he said nothing for fear of waking Pinako. All he did was flip Envy the finger, and sit back against the wall.

"So how did she find out?" Lust said quietly, nodding at Winry.

Envy hung his head and Ed sniggered. "Envy was just...uh..following his feline instincts...and..uhm..." He fumbled, trying to step over the words and push his laughter away.

"I chased an apple. Are you happy?" Envy said dangerously, wrinkling his nose in displeasure. "Fucker. This is all your fault in the first place."

Ed sniffed. "No it's not. You attacked me to begin with. If you hadn'tve tried to get my..." His face turned into one of shock. "Where...where is my watch?"

Envy blinked. He had forgotten all about the watch. "Uh. Hm, well, that's a problem, there, isn't it?"

Ed curled his hands into fists. "Great. Great...this..." He began to laugh humorlessly. "This is just great, isn't it? Just PERFECT." He said, his voice rising to a manic pitch. "I have to take care of an overgrown pussy-cat, while dealing with the fact that YOU," he pointed flamoyantly at Lust, "are going to keep popping up everywhere, and NOW my State Certification is gone! This is WONDERFUL!"

"Ed, keep your voice down." Winry hissed, making flapping gestures with her hands to indicate lowered volume. "Do you want to wake Grandma up?"

Ed grit his teeth, and curled his lip contemptuously. "When I make you human again..." He hissed at Envy. "I promise you... I WILL beat the shit out of you and laugh." He stood up, and strode across the room. He slammed the door, and his boots were heard thumping down the hallway.

"That little snot." Lust muttered. "I suppose the rest of you can go. I want to talk to Envy alone for a minute." She motioned to the door. Winry blinked, and followed Ed out the room without saying anything. Al paused at the door, then turned.

"Remember to keep quiet." He warned, before gently shutting the door behind him.

Lust was silent for a minute, then said, "Don't be afraid of them, Envy."

"I'm not afraid of those little bast-"

"Not them. Your instincts, Envy."

Envy faltered, and blinked. "...but...It's so unnatural..." He curled his lip and cringed. "I mean...I can't even use my hands. I keep wanting to lick myself." He shuddered. "In the most unnatural of places, too."

Lust nodded, and put her hand on his head. "Don't worry about them. They're natural to you now. Accept them. Don't fear them. Don't let the Full Metal runt get to you."

Envy sighed. "You're right." He stood up and leapt off the couch. "Tomrorrow at midnight...?"

Lust nodded again. "Yes. I shall see you then.." She scrambled out the window and disappeared into the night.

Envy looked after her retreating form, feeling a disgusting urge to follow. His shoulders sloped, and he wandered out into the hallway, where he paced back and forth for about an hour.

How had he gotten himself into this mess? It wasn't his own fault, was it? He didn't even know he could BECOME a chimera...it was a strange predicament. He creaked past Pinako's door, and glanced at it. He made his way down into the kitchen again. Winry had cleaned up the vinegar he had spilled earlier.

His stomach growled. He supposed his appetite would have grown drastically since his feline transformation. He didn't even need to eat when he was a homunculus. But now the cat inside him needed the food that he so badly desired. He was slightly surprised that he was hungry again, after eating the rice that Winry had fixed.

He remembered about the apple that was still in the dining room. He padded towards the door and nudged it open with his nose. The dining room was pitch black. His vision wasn't sharp and clear, like an actual cat's would be. He could see faint, blurry outlines of things in front of him. The apple stood underneath Pinako's chair. He reached for it and batted it towards his waiting mouth.

He ate it in silence, thinking about his predicament. It was certainly a strange one.

He didn't know when he fell asleep. But he woke up underneath a bed. He'd wandered in here in the middle of the night and hidden himself in the dark to sleep. Blinking, his eyes adjusted to the darkness surrounding him. A thin stripe of light formed the perimeter of his prison, and he could see feet going past his eyes. He heard Winry's voice humming to herself as drawers opened and shut somewhere above him. He scootched forward so that his nose just barely poked out from the bed, as he watched Winry...get dressed.

His eyes grew wide as he watched her undress, the cat in him willing his interests away from the sight of a half-nude Winry Rockbell, the homunculus part of him wanting to jump up and down waving a pompop and a foam finger, yelling, "wHOOOOO!" But another small part inside of him commanded his body to just stay, watch, and be silent. This was an experience that he'd probably never get to take part in again, and he needed to do it delicately, without her knowing.

The pajama bottoms were inches from his snout. He knew he could grab them in an instant and make a cuddly rag from them, but he decided not to.

When Winry left her bedroom several minutes later, Envy was purring happily. He made his way down to the kitchen, where the smell of eggs and bacon made him shiver in delight. His mind, however, was still on the sight of Winry. A bland, unfocused look was on his face as he entered the warm kitchen. He didn't even mind when Pinako reached down and batted him away from the stove with a spatula.

Envy was distracted by the sound of voices coming from the dining room. He pushed the door open with his nose and sauntered in, glancing briefly at Winry. She was talking to Ed, who was chewing on a strip of bacon. The smell made Envy realize how hungry he was.

He gave a long, drawn out "Mrrrrrow!" as he seated himself at Ed's feet, pushing on the chair leg with his paw. Ed knew what Envy wanted.

"Env-idia! Nice to see you've finally gotten your lazy arse out of bed and come down." Ed said blatantly, taking another bite of bacon.

Envy furrowed his brow and meowed again.

"For the love of god, Edward, give him something!" Winry spoke up angrily, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the alchemist.

Ed shrugged. "I'm waiting for him to ask." He said with a cynical tone.

Winry sighed and took a peice of bacon off of her plate. She dropped it on the floor for Envy, who hurried over to her and chomped on the bacon almost at once.

"Stop being so mean to him.." She said quietly, also dropping a peice of toast. "It's not his fault..."

Ed huffed and shook his hair out of his face. "You spoil him..."

Pinako tromped inside, a bowl in one hand and a plate in the other. "Here's some more bacon.." She said, placing the plate on the table. "And that's for you, cat." She put the bowl down. Envy hurried over to it.

Tuna fish...'delicious.' Envy sniffed in distaste but ate it, feeling his stomach convulse in disgust. The texture was horrible. So mushy.

"I want you to put him outside for the rest of the day, Ed." Pinako ordered, nodding at the cat. "I don't want him crapping in the house."

Envy narrowed his eyes and sniffed angrily. 'Witch...'

"I'll put him outside as soon as breakfast is done." Ed said, shrugging.

"No, Ed, I want him out NOW." Pinako said firmly, pointing at the door. Ed got up, sighed, and opened the door. Envy streaked past, glad for a romp outside.


	4. Fish

Auri's Notes: Thank you guys for all the support you've shown me! I really appreciate the feedback I'm getting from this story. Please keep reviewing; this is major help for me and my author career track. I luff you all and thank you very much. Oh, and don't mind if this chapter ends rather suckily. x3 I'm sorry 'bout that.

Oh, and by the way- This chapter was a dare from my dear friend Prinnie (Princess). x3 The whole EnvyXSasha speil. Flame that part and I'll put it out with my deaded bucket of flamer-doom water. x3

The summer sun lavished Envy's sleek back with a warm splash of light. He eased himself from the front steps, and seated himself on the lawn. Hm. What could he do now? He could wander around the neighborhood for a while and see what kind of micheif could befall him. Or he could take a snooze on the porch. The first one seemed to suit his tastes more.

He stood up, stretched, and began to trot down the road, happy to get out of the house. It was warm and clear out here, and there were some people about that he could pester. He walked for about ten minutes, before a soft sound made him turn.

Another cat was watching him from between a meat shop and a bookstore. It was a she-cat, from it's smell. She had long, white fur with a few black splotches on her back and face, and almond shaped, green eyes.

Envy blinked, and returned the stare hungrily. The cat flicked her tail, and disappeared into the alleyway. Envy followed, entranced.

The she-cat leapt lightly onto a few boxes of discarded trash. That's all the alleyway was full of - bags of garbage and boxes. Envy leapt up onto the box to join her. He was almost twice her size and should have been able to push the she-cat out of the way if he wanted, but the she-cat seemed to order him to do her bidding, to follow her. He was powerless.

And her smell. It was heavy, thick, and sweet, with a hint of sweetgrass and alfalfa. It took him a couple minutes to realize that he was trembling.

She meowed. The sound made no sense to his human half, but the cat part of him could make out the words as she meowed. "You're not from around here, are you?" She purred. Her voice was soft, and delicate.

He shook his head and meowed back, "No."

"Mmmm...it shows. You have such odd fur..." She said quietly, wrapping her tail over her paws "It's exotic..." She smiled. "What do they call you?"

"Env...idia." Envy stammered.

"Envidia?"

"No, INvidia." He corrected, shaking his head. "And you?"

"Sasha." Said she she-cat, her eyes narrowing slightly against the sun. "Your name is interesting, too." She smiled. "Everything about you is interesting. It's better you than nobody else..."

Envy was unsure what she was talking about, until she came closer and rubbed her face against his, a deep purr beginning in her throat. "I-uhm...what? No, wait..." His brain was melted, his jaw wouldn't grind into gear to speak right, his heart was pumping fast. "Erm..."

--------------

About an hour later, Envy was sprawled on a box, exhausted. Sasha was washing her shining pelt delicately. "That was nice..." She said purring. "It hurt, though."

Envy purred humorlessly. "Yeah..." He mewed quietly, standing up and stretching. "Will I see you again?"

Sasha nodded. "Maybe. If you wish to see them being born, I shall send for you." She winked, and smiled.

Envy nodded without thinking. "Yeah, I do." He meowed quickly.

Sasha flicked her tail and mewed, "That's fine." She leapt down from her perch on the garbage bag, and brushed her tail on Envy's shoulder as she passed. "I shall see you around, then."

She wandered out of the alley, leaving Envy to stare after her, still tired. His human brain was screaming and writing in disgust, unwilling to beleive what had just happened. "Thank god I knew what was happening...but EEWWWW..." He muttered, curling his lip. "How female cats can stand that...good lord.." He shuddered, and leapt off the box, and sauntered out of the alleyway.

It wasn't two minutes of walking before he realized that he was hungry again. He looked back at the alleyway, realizing that there was a meat shop next to it. Padding up to the window, he jumped up onto the sill and watched. A fat man was rolling sausages behind the counter, as a young man and his daughter browsed the deli. His mouth watered, and his rasped his tongue over his lips. His stomach howling in complant, he flattened his ears and furrowed his brow.

'How am I gonna get in there...?' He thought, watching as the man began to talk to the butcher with the sausage. He shrugged, and leapt from the flower box in the windowsill. Pushing his nose against the door, he slipped inside, as a small bell jangled somewhere in the shop. The butcher glanced up, but didn't see Envy, who was hiding behind a barrel of salts.

The butcher wasn't watching. He was still talking to the man. Envy slunk behind the counter, moving stealthily and silently. He slipped behind the butcher's legs, and into the back room, which was open. It was cold as ice in the room. Meat hung from the ceiling by huge, iron hooks, swaying slighlty as the freezer blew cold wind on them. This new world of the freezer was silent except for the faint jingling of the chains as they moved. His breath rose in a heavy fog before him, as he wandered among the endless rows of meat.

He looked up to the wall, where fish lay in wax papers on the chrome counters. He steadied himself, then leapt onto the counters, skidding slightly and scattering the meat. He sniffed several slabs of white meat, choosing his peice carefully.

Suddenly, footsteps clomped into the room, and he heard the door shut. Panic rose in his chest, and he grabbed a random peice of fish and leapt off the counter. His claws clattered noisily on the floor.

He froze, and looked up to see the fat man staring down at him, holding a meat cleaver. "Hello, kitty..." He said gruffly. "What brings you here?"

Envy ran for it, dodging in between the man's boots and down the row of meat. He heard the man catching up to him, his boots thudding hard as he ran. The sliver of light that outlined the door was shining feet from him. He put on an extra burst of energy and burst through the door, dodging the flood of people entering the butcher's shop, and skidding to a halt outside the shop.

He looked back at the shop. The butcher had given up the chase and was now attending to his customers. Envy felt a smug sense of satisfaction at his capture. That stupid butcher didn't know what hit him! Grinning to himself, he hurried off down the street to eat his prize.

The fish turned out to be tuna...again. But, instead of being that nasty moosh he had eaten that morning, it was tender, white, and flakey. Delicious. He sat on Pinako's porch, finishing up his meal. He looked at his paws and flexed them. They were sticky and covered in white flakes and scales. He swallowed and flexed his paws again. He knew he needed to clean them off.

He rasped his tongue over his paws. His paw pads were silky, soft, and squishy. It felt good underneath his tongue. Experimenting some more, he licked the top of his paw, where the fur was. His fur was very soft, and he was pleased with the result on his paw; his fur was smooth, and shiny. He licked it some more. It didn't taste bad, either. Like tuna. It wasn't long before he was licking every inch of his body he could reach, lavishing the feeling of his smooth fur under his tongue. And what he couldn't reach, he licked his paw and rubbed it over the spot, like he'd seen real cats do.

He heard the door open just as he was washing the base of his tail. He didn't pay it any attention, though, until he heard a voice crow.

"EEEWWWWWWW!"

He looked up to see Edward staring at him, a look on his face that could have either been disgust or hilarity. He heard a chair scrape and footsteps. Then he heard Winry's voice.

"Ed? What's..."

She stuck her head out the door, and froze. "Uhm... Invidia?"

Envy was stuck in a very weird position. He was sitting halfway up, bent over backwards in order to reach his tail. He blinked, and curled his lip. "Say anything... and I will fucking kill you." He whispered.

He heard Al's voice. "What's going on?"

Ed looked up. "Nothing, Al, the cat's just giving himself anal." He said in a casual voice that masked his jubilation.

Silence. Then he heard Al's footsteps clanking away VERY fast.

Winry looked at Ed. "We should go..." She tugged on his black jacket and pulled him away. Envy sighed, and stood up. He figured it was best to go hide under the bed for a few hours.

"WROUF!"

Envy had forgotten all about Den.

He turned slowly to see the dog bounding up the porch towards him, automail clanking and tongue lolloping happily.

Normally, Envy wouldn't have gave a damn about dogs. He didn't like them, sure, but they didn't bother him. But now, a wave of powerful, irrational, mind-bending terror rose over the chimera. His eyes flew open wide, his hackles raised, and his fur puffed out as he hissed in terror. He streaked down the wooden floor and into the door, which Ed and Winry had left open.

With a wild yowling he zoomed into the house, toppling over a chair as he did so. He dashed under the table, where Pinako was laying plates for lunch, and into the kitchen. Barking like a mad beast, Den followed, drool flying out behind him as he ran. Envy didn't know where to turn! That dumb dog was right behind him! He ran up the stairs, past the bedrooms, and skidded to a halt at the end of the hallway.

Den was almost upon him. Envy grit his teeth and did the only thing he could think of doing. He lashed out with his claws.

The black dog yelped and retreated down the hall, licking his nose, where three gouge marks dug into his skin.

Envy blinked. That was easy.

He watched Den's retreating hind end gallop down the hall, feeling a smug sense of satisfaction at his victory.

He yawned, and curled up into a ball. Sleep was what he needed now. His eyes drooped, and he felt himself slipping into dreamland. 


	5. The Hairball

Auri's Notes: Thank you so much for reviewing! I feel so luffered! xD

Envy woke up feeling sick. A heavy, laden sensation was overcoming his body, and his stomach panged with strong waves of pain and nausea. A dark blanket of hot air seemed to press on him, and he felt a strong desire to get a breath of fresh air.

He staggered to his feet, and swayed slightly. So heavy...so painful. He hobbled out of the dark hallway, and down the stairs. Every movement caused his stomach to contract in pain. His eyes narrowed, and his teeth were bared in a grimace.

He almost fell down the stairs. The first stumble had nearly sent him toppling down the long fall to the hard wooden floor below. But he gradually made his way down, and stopped to rest near the bottom, his stomach clenched in pain.

Footsteps thudded towards him, accompanied with the loud clanking of armor.

"Invidia? What are you doing?" Al asked, kneeling down besides the cat.

Envy said nothing, except to gasp in pain as his body gave a nasty twang.

Al noticed. "Winry! Brother!" He cried, waving them over.

Ed and Winry bent down besides Envy. Winry noticed as once that something was wrong. "Oh my God! What's wrong with him?" She gently picked him up and coddled him in her lap. She eyed the glazed, hollow look in his eyes and the sweat gathering on his brow and underneath his hair.

Ed sniggered. "Den probably beat the hell out of him."

"No, Ed, look at him!" Winry said urgently, pushing some of Envy's hair out of his eyes and wiping away some of the moisture. "There's really somthing wrong!"

Envy was listening to this with only half of his attention span. One part of him was listening, and the other half was restraining himself from throwing up.

"Winry..." Envy muttered at last, his eyes closed, thankful for the feel of Winry's cold skin on his face. "Winry...I.." His stomach clenched, and he gave a pathetic mew of pain. "I... I need...air..."

Winry nodded and carried Envy towards the porch. A foul taste rose in his mouth, and he felt the urge to vomit again. A gagging sensation seemed to constrict his air passage. He couldn't breathe!

He coughed hard, and gagged. Winry dropped him like a hot coal two feet from the door. Envy staggered onto Winry's porch, and retched.

Winry put her hand over her mouth. "Ugh.." She muttered, furrowing her brow in disgust. "Yuck..."

Ed had sauntered up behind Winry, Al in toe. Edward wrinkled his nose. "Ew. Thank god he did that outside..."

Envy took two paces back from the lovely wet hairball and shook his head. He felt a lot better. The heavy, choking sensation had left him, and his stomach was starting to relax slightly. Breathing hard, he looked up at Ed and Winry, and croaked the word, "Water."

Winry nodded and scrambled away, leaving Ed and Envy to stare at each other.

"You know something," Edward said, his face still contorted into one of disgust. "I actually feel sorry for you."

"Hagane O'chibi-san." Envy said in a weak, businesslike tone. "I expect this not to be mentioned again." He looked away from Edward and out onto the night. "Time?" He asked, glancing back at Edward.

Winry came forward with a large bowl of icy water. She placed it next to Envy, who guzzled it appreciatively.

"Winry, did you see the time when you were inside?" Edward asked, watching Envy suck the water up. Winry nodded.

"11:52." She said. "We oughta hurry up."

Envy swallowed his mouthful of cold water, and licked his lips. "Damn fur." He muttered, pushing past Ed and Al to make his way back to the dedn. His stomach was still gnarled into a knot that made him slightly nauseous, but he didn't show it. His eyes were hollow, and his hair was slick with sweat.

Ed, Al, and Winry followed Envy silently, not daring to speak.

They waited in the den for at least fifteen minutes before Lust showed up. Envy was curled on the couch, still feeling slightly ill, exhaustion seeping through him. Lust tapped quietly on the closed window with one of her extended fingernails. Al leapt up from his spot on the floor and opened the door. Lust crawled in and, again, sat next to Envy.

She was about to speak, but saw the state of her once-homunculus partner. "What happened to you?" She asked interestedly.

"S-sick." Envy said quietly. Lust raised her eyebrows.

"What do you mean? I should think the homunculus in you would prevent that..."

"It's not that kind of sick, Lust." Winry explained, gently touching Envy on one of his huge paws. "Uhm...it's more of a hairball situation."

Lust's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?" She purred, gently massaging Envy behind the ears. "How disgusting. I told you not to be afraid of your instincts, Envy, not embrace them."

Envy laughed sourly. "Ha-hah, you're really funny, Lust." He sighed, and put his head on Winry's lap, his shoulders sagging despairingly.

Lust looked away. It was apparent that this was nothing to toy with in Envy's eyes. "What did you do today?" She asked. Envy furrowed his brow. This was a rather odd question for Lust to ask. She usually showed no intrest in Envy's daily routine.

"Hmmm...went outside, got laid, uh, stole a fish, got chased by a dog, then hacked up a hairball." Envy recited nonchalantly.

"Got laid? What?" Ed cried, shaking his head disbeleivingly. "No way. Not in that form."

Envy grinned. "Yup. She's a green eyed, white and black haired queen." He purred, remembering Sasha and a happy look coming into his eyes. "Such a nice cat, but really quite the sexy one."

Ed chuckled. "Only you, Envy. Only you would think of awkward sex with another fuzzyball as erotic."

Envy grinned darkly. "'least I'm not a virgin."

Ed felt a dull flush creeping up his neck, but he said nothing to further provoke Envy's insults. Instead, he said, "I did some reading today, and found the alchemic formula to return a chimera to it's original human/animal counterparts. But it's so difficult. It's one of the most complex arrays I've ever seen; except for the one to make the philosopher's stone. It's hard to decipher."

Lust nodded approvingly. "At least you have it. You have all the time in the world to figure it out, too." She reached over and petted Envy on the head.

"Not all the time..." Ed said, shrugging. "It'll be harder now that I don't have my watch. And I won't be able to do any reasearch tomorrow."

"Why?" Envy whined, looking up at Edward.

"Because... tomorrow is Winry's birthday." Edward said slowly, looking at Winry.

"Oh, god." Winry said quietly. "I'd forgotton." She looked at Envy. "Since YOU came around, I'd lost track!" She suddenly dove at Edward. "What'dja get me?" She asked. "A wrench? A broken car? A WRENCH?" She asked, bouncing up and down eagerly.

Ed yelped and leapt out of the way. "Yai! I won't tell you!" He cried, backing up against the wall.

"You know, I could really use a new wrench!" She gushed, speaking really fast. "Because my last one broke when I threw it at the wall after getting mad about me not being able to get that hacksaw that I wanted! DID YOU GET ME THE HACKSAW?"

Ed looked around for an escape, then dove out the open window. They heard his footsteps circling the house, then heard the front door open, shut, then heard his boots thudding up the stairs to his bedroom.

Silence.

"That...was weird." Envy said, finally breaking the silence.

----------

The next morning was chaotic. The house was warm, sunny, and loud as holy hell. Winry was shrieking and pounding on Edward's door with enough force to knock over a carthorse.

"TELL ME WHAT YOU GOT ME!"

"NO! I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU!"

"PLEEEEEEEASE?"

"NO!"

Pinako was in the kitchen with Al, and the pair of them were working hard to cook Winry's cake. The smells wafting from under the closed kitchen door were so enticing that Envy and Den had put aside their differences and spent all day wandering around outside of it.

By 10 o'clock and after three hours of pacing outside the kitchen, Envy had managed to slip inside. He had perched on top of the cupboards above the sink, and watched with wide eyes as Pinako stirred the vanilla cake batter with a wooden spoon.

Al was cooking lunch. Envy had no idea what it was, but it looked like cheese..or rice...or bacon. Or a combination. He didn't know. All he cared was that it smelled good.

Pinako left the kitchen, carrying a bowl of dog food that was probably for Den.

"Aaallllll... Al-chan!" Envy purred quietly.

"You're not getting any." Al replied promptly without looking up.

"Getting any-? Huh? Oh! Oh, you thought I wanted some of that lovely rice stuff you're making? Oh, you're silly, Al. You're silly. I love that you'd go there. You're silly. You're silly. Good-bye." He leapt from the cupboard and brushed past Al, heading for the dining room.

'Damn, damn, damn, damn.' Envy thought, curling his lip. 'How dare he deny me the food I desire? I oughta go back there and...uhm...scratch his..armor.' He passed Pinako on her way back into the kitchen, and shot her a filthy look. 'You better not have left me any tuna fish, you wrinkled old bag.'

He wandered up to Den, who was munching on his own food and not paying the chimera any attention. Envy pushed Den out of the way and stared at his own bowl. It was empty.

Anger welled inside Envy. How dare that old hag not give him any food? How DARE she? He growled low and turned tail, storming back into the kitchen with his tail held high.

"MRROW!" He demanded to the kitchen door. It remained shut. He huffed out his breath and narrowed his eyes. Dammit. He jumped up and pushed against the door with his front paws. He wasn't strong enough to push it open. He pushed harder, but only succeed in flipping forward and onto the floor. He sighed heavily and glared at the crack under the door. He could see Pinako's feet walking by. He slipped his paw underneath the door and groped for Pinako's slippers, eager to sink his claws into them.

SMACK!

"YEOW!" Envy leapt backwards and landed lopsidedly on three feet. His forepaw stinging, he spat angrily, his tail puffed up to three times its normal size.

The door opened at last, and Pinako stood there, holding a spatula like a sword and glowering at the cat. "What the hell do you want, cat?" She growled, holding the spatula at ready.

Envy meowed and took a few steps toward his bowl, then looked back at Pinako. She was watching him still. He took a few more steps toward his bowl, then prodded it with his paw, then looked back up at Pinako. She shook her head, rolled her eyes, and walked over. She picked up the bowl and dissappeared into the kitchen with it. About time.

Envy took his place outside the kitchen door, waiting impatiently for his bowl to be returned, hopefully full of food. He waited about 7 minutes before the door opened again. Pinako placed his bowl down in front of him, then slammed the door in his face.

He examined the contents of the bowl. Outrage boiled inside of him as he glared at it.

Milk.

The frothy white liquid couldn't be mistaken for anything else. He inclined his head so that he could lap up some of the milk. It wasn't bad. But he needed FOOD. As in solids. Liquids weren't going to sustain him all day...or for an hour, for that matter.

Footsteps distracted him from his meager dish. He looked up to see Edward tromping towards him, having finally escaped Winry. "Hey Invidia." He said cooly, looking down at the cat with a smirk on his face. He knelt down so that he was eyelevel with the cat. "I see you've finally stooped to your all time stereotype. Drinking milk from a saucer like a good little kitty in nursery rhymes. How cute." He grinned blackly.

Envy said nothing, but met the alchemist's gaze with silent defiance. Then, he flipped back his paw and knocked the bowl of milk into Ed's face.

Ed leapt back, howling like a wounded dog. "ARRRGH! SPAWN OF A COW! AHHH! DAMMIT!" He spat out a mouthful of milk and wiped his face with the back of his sleeve.

Auri's Notes: Muahahah... Edo-Chan and milk. 


	6. Winry's Party

Auri's Notes: YES! Envy's line: "Getting any-? Huh? Oh! Oh, you thought I wanted some of that lovely rice stuff you're making? Oh, you're silly, Al. You're silly. I love that you'd go there. You're silly. You're silly. Good-bye." WAS a revised line from Family Guy! xD I put that there to find out how many people would point it out!

This chapter's inspriation came to me when my cat brought a gift for me. How lufferly. ;

Oreo (My cat): You ungrateful bitch.

Me: HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET HERE?

Oreo: I used the door.

Me: BUT YOU'RE A CAT! HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO USE THE DOOR!

Envy: I let him in.

Me: -growls- DAMMIT, IF YOU WEREN'T SO CUTE, I'D KICK YOUR ASS.

Envy: -purrs- I'm flattered.

Oreo: OH FUCK NO! I'M HER CAT, NOT YOU! -tackles Envy-

Envy: BRING IT ON, KITTYCAT!

-the sounds of snarling and yowling can be heard in the background-

Me: -anime sweatdrop- Uhm... on with the chapter...?

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Envy had been put outside for the remainder of the morning, and Winry had been sent to the store. Now, it was just Pinako, Al, and Ed in the house. And Edward was bored.

"Why don't you help?" Al complained, watching Edward and stirring something in a bowl. "I'm sure Pinako can find something for you to do?"

Ed shrugged. "What's there for me to do? I'd just get in the way."

"You could be reading." Al shot back. Ed sighed and heaved himself to his feet. "Yeah...I could." He traipsed off to his room, his shoulders hunched. Why should he have to help that ungrateful animal? It's not like Envy had ever done anything for HIM. He opened up his door and slammed it hard behind him, then picked up a dark green book from the shelf and sat down on his bed to read.

'Of the many arrays used in alchemy, there is few more complicated than this. The chimera is a combination of two living beings, may it be a cat or a dog, or a bird and a fish. It's DNA structure is complicated and unstable. Attempting to seperate a chimera into it's counterparts is difficult and...'

The book droned on and on about chimeras and the different arrays used to construct and deconstruct them. Twenty pages and a pounding headache later, a loud, scraping noise distracted him from his reading. Ed looked up. The sound seemed to be coming from his door. He watched it for a few minutes as though expecting it to sprout eyes and a mouth and call him a munchkin.

"Cat..." Edward muttered, a vein twitching in his forehead and a glare fitting onto his head as he watched the door. "KNOCK IT OFF!" Edward snarled the words and flung the book at the door. It hit with a loud BANG, then toppled to the floor, where a couple pages fluttered out. The scratching noise stopped and pawsteps could be heard scampering away.

Edward got up and opened the door. Long gouge marks set in straight, even rows, lined the door. Ed whistled low. "Pinako's not gonna like that..." Muttered, shaking his head and examining the cuts. "I wonder who let him in, anyways?" He scratched his head, then hurried off down the hallway.

The book's pages fluttered in the wind coming in through the open door. The two pages that had fallen out when the book made contact with the door skittered across the floor, moved by the breeze. One of them skidded to a halt underneath Edward's bed, while the other one slipped under the dresser.

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A few hours later, Winry was hugging Edward to within an inch of his life.

"Winry...I can't breathe!" Ed choked.

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS GOT ME A NEW WRENCH! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!"

"WINRY! I C-CAN'T FEEL MY HEAD!" Ed yelped through his stranglehold. "Lemme go!"

Winry finally released him, and hugged her new wrench instead.

"Glad you like it, Winry." Al said. "We had to go really far away to get it!"

"THAT MAKES IT BETTER!"

Edward was gasping for breath. "I..ugh..whew..." He panted, rubbing his neck and wincing.

Envy was sitting delicately on the back of the couch, his front paws crossed over one another and dangling over the edge. He had was smiling for once, perfectly contented with the day's events. Relaxed and calm, he'd watched the small party ensue without a single mishap. For now. 

Pinako got up. "I'm gonna get the cake.." She announced, and left the room.

Ed sat back down on the couch next to Winry, who was holding the wrench in her lap.

"Happy birthday, Winry." Envy purred into her ear. Winry blushed slightly and smiled.

"Thanks, Invidia." She said, reaching up to scratch Envy behind the ears. Envy purred deeply.

"That reminds me..." Envy muttered. "I have somthing for you. But you probably won't like it."

"I'm sure I'd like anything you gave me..." Winry said quietly.

Envy jumped off the couch. "I'll go get it..." He hurried away.

Edward huffed. "You know it's gona be crappy...you realize that, right?" Winry nodded, and said nothing. Envy returned several minutes later, proudly clutching somthing in his mouth.

He dropped it on the couch besides Winry, and grinned. "Happy birthday." Winry jumped away from it with a yelp and ended up in Edward's lap. Even Edward inched away from Envy's gift.

"Thank you, Envy...a... dead bird." Winry said shakily, swallowing hard and staring at the corpse on the couch. It was a headless sparrow, still bleeding slightly, most of it's feathers pulled off.

"Your welcome." Envy purred, leaping back up onto the couch and curling up into the ball. "Do with it what you want."

"I'll put it outside for now, Winry..." Al stood up and, taking the bird with two fingers, hurried outside.

"That was mean." Edward said, looking up at Envy with distaste. Envy grinned, and flicked his tail, but said nothing, because Pinako had just entered the room with the cake. It was a magnificent creation. Vanilla, with strawberry icing. 17 candles surrounded the words, "Happy Birthday", written in thin frosting letters.

Envy rasped his tongue around his lips, his eyes wide as he stared at the baked concotion.

"Happy birthday, Winry." Pinako said, placing the cake on the coffee table. She produced a knife from nowhere and began to cut it. "Where's Al?

"He went to go throw something away." Ed answered.

Winry looked glanced back to see Envy staring at the cake, drool sliding down from his mouth to the couch. "Grandma..." She began.

"Yeah?" Pinako handed Ed a piece of cake, who muttered "Thanks."

"We only have four people here...can Invidia have a chunk of cake? Just a little bit. He looks so hungry...all you gave him for breakfast today was milk." Winry pleaded, petting Envy under the chin to audible purrs.

Pinako eyed Envy incredulously for a minute. "Eh...fine."

Envy could have kissed her. Instead, Envy eased himself off of the couch back and onto Winry's shoulders, and started licking her chin. Winry giggled as his whiskers tickled her face.

Pinako put a plate on the floor. He immediately scrambled for it, and it was gone before Winry had even recieved her slice.

"My God...this cat can really eat!" Pinako exclaimed, shaking her head and watching Envy suck up the crumbs like a vaccuum cleaner. He rasped his tongue over his lips and stepped back from the very clean plate, looking up at Pinako expectantly.

"Yeah...let's just hope he doesn't get fat." Edward sneered. Envy turned his head sharply around and glared at the boy, before turning back to Pinako. But she was gone, haven taking everything back to the kitchen.

"Damn you." Envy wheezed, and leapt up on the back of the couch again.

"Be careful, Invidia..." Al said. Envy jumped- he hadn't seen Al come back in. "You don't want Auntie Pinako to notice you talking."

Envy huffed. "Yeah...whatever." He said snottily.

For the rest of the day, Winry worked on automail, and Ed and Al went out. Envy hung around with Winry and spent hours on end draped over her shoulders like a large, furry green boa. He contented himself for a few hours by batting at her hair. She didn't seem to mind, but spent a lot of time pushing his green mane out of her face.

He was loosing control and he knew it. The homunculus in him strained and cried to be free of this sinful (no pun intended) body. But his feline counterpart was taking over. He was acting more and more like a cat every day. He needed to talk to Edward and make him hurry up with the research. He was sick of licking himself clean and eating out of a bowl, and curling up outside someone's door every night. It sickened him to the bone.

Later that night, Winry was laying on her bed, reading a book, with Envy rolled up into a ball next to her, his head resting on her stomach. He was snoring gently in his sleep.

Winry glanced at the snoozing chimera. She reached out a hand and rubbed under his pointed ears with a finger. She felt him vibrating gently and knew he was purring. She had always feared and despised Envy. He was the one who had killed Brigadier General Hughes and spread a disease that wiped out a whole city. ((A/N: This is referring to the "fossil disease"; the one that turned the people into stone-like material...I forget which episode it's from. XP)) But now that Envy was at their mercy, he was bearable, even nice to be around. He was affectionate and, even though Winry hated to admit it, this new Envy was absolutely adorable.

She ran a finger along the tiny, delicate hairs that lined the outside of his ear. His ear twitched rather violently. She tried to supress a giggle as she gently poked the inside of his ear. It twitched again.

"If you've nothing better to do than play with my ear, I suggest you do it in a way that doesn't tickle." Came Envy's voice. One of his eyes was cracked open, and he watched Winry with dilated pupils.

"Sorry Envy-chan." Winry said quietly, now slowly running a finger up his muzzle and between his eyes. "They're so soft."

"I prefer not to think of myself as soft or fluffy." Envy mewed.

"But you are..."

"Yeah...I know..."

Footsteps thundered down the hallway, and the door burst open. It was Edward, looking pale and panicky.

"Envy! We've got a problem!"

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Auri's Notes: ATTENTION- From here on out, the story will take a MUCH more dramatic turn...and I'm sorry this chapter is so short.. I lost my inspiration after my last chapter. 


	7. I'm going to eat you now

Chapter 7

Aurifex's Notes: Like I said, this story will take a more dramatic turn. This chapter absolutely KILLED ME to write. I felt so bad at what happens to Envy and it made me want to hug him very hard. O.o

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"I don't understand," Edward said, flipping through the green book he'd thrown at the door. "The sentance goes: 'the array alone is not just enough. Seperate ingredients should be included within the circle. These include."

"Include what?" Envy prompted.

"That's just it!" Edward yelled, waving the book in Envy's face. "The next two pages are gone!"

"WHAT?" Envy gasped. "YOU'RE KIDDING!"

"No! After this page it just goes on to talk about the kinds of chimeras!" He skimmed through the pages again and grit his teeth. "ARGH! DAMMIT!" He threw the book down on the bed. "Useless!"

"Is that the only book you had on chimeras?" Winry asked, her eyes wide.

Ed nodded. "Yeah...beleive it or not."

Envy let out an animal yowl. "I DON'T BELEIVE THIS! DAMMIT! WHY DOES IT ALL HAVE TO GO DOWNHILL FROM H-"

Winry, Al, and Ed all clamped their hands over Envy's mouth. Pinako's footsteps were creeping by the door. Silence filled the room, except for the soft thumping of Pinako's slippers. They dissappeared down the hallway.

They all turned to Envy, their faces shocked and angry.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Edward hissed. "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET DISCOVERED?"

Envy sniffed haughtily, and took a step backwards. "Sorry." He said simply, glaring up at Edward defiantly. "Now...what time is it?"

"11:45." Winry asked, glancing up at the clock.

"I'm going to wait for her." Envy said sourly, and leapt off the bed. He edged his way through the door, and dissappeared. He tromped down the hallway, his eyes wide. This was the worst possible thing that could happen. He couldn't do anything about it now...except.

Except.

He broke into a run, and galloped down the stairs. There was one other option for him. He hurried down into the den, and positioned himself on the windowsill, silent and unmoving, staring out at the yard.

Lust came slightly early, at 11:51. "Envy!" She said, furrowing her brow. "What are you doing?"

"Lust, they can't turn me back." Envy babbled. "Fullmetal Dumbass lost pages from the book. The pages that had instructions or something on it. I'm stuck like this."

"Oh my God!" She opened her mouth in shock. "What are you going to do now?"

"I'm coming with you. You have to take me to that person."

"Are you sure?" Lust said carefully.

"Positive."

"Have you told the Elrics?" She asked.

Envy shook his head. "I don't plan to." He said.

Lust looked around quickly. "Fine..." She said, reaching through the window and taking Envy in her arms. Envy curled appreciatively around her neck, and she shut the window.

"We can't go to Master just yet..." She explained. "The other homunculi and I are staying in an abandoned shiphouse west of here. We'll go there first so we can rest."

Envy nodded. "Fine by me..."

They traveled until dawn. The shiphouse, was, in general, a piece of shit. Surrounded by smelly water and made of ancient, moldy boards, it smelled of fish and mildew.

Envy blanched at the sight of the water, and Lust yelped as his claws dug into her skin.

They walked down the rickety dock, and entered silently...almost. The door creaked complainingly as Lust shut it behind her.

The room was lit with one ancient lightbulb. Surrounded by crates and sacks, the room's floorboards creaked with every step. A single table and three chairs were in the middle.

"Wh-where the, where the hell were you, Slo-sorry, Lusht?" Greed's voice slurred. He was sprawled over the table, which was littered with empty liquor bottles. His hair was touseled, and his eyes were glazed as he looked up at her.

"Dammit, Greed, you know very well where I was." Lust scolded, striding across the room towards Greed. She picked up one of the empty bottles and hit him over the head with it.

Greed passed out without another word.

"Wow..." Envy murmured. "He's gonna die of alcohol poisoning." He then grinned. "ALL RIGHT!"

"He can't die of alcohol poisoning, Envy, and you know it..." Lust grumbled, kicking Greed from his chair and then proceeding to kick him across the room.

"Damn...damn damn damn." Envy mused.

"Luuuust!" Sang Gluttony, who seemed to have poofed from nowhere. (But really, he came through one of the doors leading to the other rooms)

"Konnichiwa, Gluttony." Lust said, a half-smile on her face.

Gluttony noticed Envy. "Ooo! Kitty! Can I eat him?"

"No, Gluttony, you can't eat Envy." Lust sighed.

"Pleeeeaaaase?"

"No. Where's Sloth and Wrath?" She asked. Gluttony pointed towards the door he'd just come through, his head cocked. "Arigato." Lust said, and slipped into the room.

Sloth was sitting on a camp bed, while Wrath snored loudly on another of the small beds.

"Hey there, Lust." Sloth said. Her brow furrowed. "What...what's that thing on your shoulder?"

Envy sniffed angrily. "It's ME, you dumb bitch."

Sloth gasped. "Envy? Oh my God!" She stood up, and peered closer at Envy. "You're...You're..."

"Yes, I am very well aware that I'm a cat." Envy said sourly.

"You're...you're..."

"ADORABLE!" Sloth squealed, pulling Envy from his perch and cuddling him in her arms, stroking behind his ears and holding him in a tight hug.

"ACK! LEMME GO!" Envy yowled, straining to get away.

"Mama? What's all the noise?" Wrath's voice came. He was sitting up, his hair mussed up and his eyes shadowed by drooping lids.

"Look, Wrassu, Envy's a kitty!" Sloth held Envy at arm's length, towards Wrath.

Wrath's tiredness left him immediately. "HAHAHAHAHAHAH!" He cajoled, falling over backwards onto the bed again and curling up into a little ball, grasping his ribs as he laughed. "ENVY REALLY IS A CAT! I THOUGHT LUST WAS LYING! BUT HE'S REALLY A FUZZYBALL!"

Envy growled. "I'm aware. I'm also cute, fluffy, soft, and apparantly, adorable." He explained. "But I also have claws."

The next words made Wrath stop laughing almost at once. "Uhhhhh..."

"Bastard." Envy grumbled. "I'm tired, Lust. Where am I gonna sleep tonight?"

"I suppose wherever you want." Lust sighed. "I don't care..."

Envy wriggled from Sloth's grasp, and landed lightly on the ground. "I'll be in a windowsill somewhere." He grumped, and hurried out of the room.

-------------------

Envy woke up in the middle of the night, feeling like he was being watched. His eyes slitted open to find themselves face to face with blank, white eyes.

"I'm going to eat you now." Came Gluttony's voice.

An excruciating pain drove through Envy's tail and up his spine. "MRREEEEEYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!" He shrieked, struggling to free himself from the hold Gluttony's teeth had on his tail.

The light clicked on, and Sloth and Lust stormed into the room, Wrath trailing behind them.

"GLUTTONY! NO! BAD, BAD GLUTTONY!" Lust smacked the other homunculus on the head with a broom she'd snatched from the doorway. "YOU PUT ENVY-CHAN DOWN! NOW!"

"OHMYGODHELPME!" Envy yelled, as he hung upside-down from Gluttony's mouth, tearing at anything he could reach with his claws. "GET ME OUT OF HERE! HELP MEEEE!"

"LET! HIM! GO!" Sloth barked, hitting Gluttony in the back of his head.

"Ptooey!"

Gluttony spat Envy out, and he promptly raced to the other side of the room, quaking from head to tail, his eyes wide and glassy, his fur puffed up in fear.

He'd never been so scared in his life. Never, in the 400+ years he'd been alive, had fear held him in such a deadly, icy grip. He swallowed hard, and backed slowly into the corner of the room.

Sloth was still disciplining Gluttony by hitting him with the broom that Lust had abandoned. Lust was walking near him. She knelt down in front of the trembling cat. She furrowed her brow. Were those tears welling in his eyes?

She reached towards him, and lifted him up. She held him against her chest, and could feel his rapidly beating hard pounding against his ribs. He was shaking very hard.

"Sloth...I'm taking him into my room." Lust said quietly, as Envy let out weak, choked mews that could have been a cat's version of sobbing.

Sloth nodded, and abandoned her relentless walloping of the unfortunate Gluttony.

Lust took him into her room, where another cot resided in the far corner. Placing Envy down on the bed, she bound his bleeding tail with a strip of fabric she had torn from one of the many cloth sacks in the warehouse. She then sat down on the cot, leaned against the wall, and coddled Envy like a child. The traumatized cat continued to whimper and cry for a few hours before he finally fell into a deep sleep.

Lust had been stroking his hair soothingly the whole time. How horrible had that been for Envy? He'd been picked up by a VERY tender limb and swung around, probably whacked by a broom once or twice, and then nearly gotten the limb bitten off! She felt a deep sympathy for him. She knew she would've been scared if she'd been hung upside-down like that.

She gently eased Envy from her chest, and lay him down on her pillow. He gave a very faint 'mew', curled into a ball, and fell back to sleep. She lay down as well, and pulled the blanket over herself. What could she expect in the morning from Envy?

The answer came in the form of a lick on the nose.

Lust opened her eyes, and found slitted purple eyes obstructing her vision. Envy was sitting up and staring at her. Just staring. She blinked, and sat up.

"G'morning..." She yawned, and stretched.

"Lust..." Envy said quietly.

"Hmmm?" She turned to look at him. He hung his head.

"I...umm...thanks." He said in just above a whisper. "Can...can you not tell Greed...about...about what happened?"

"No." Lust stood up and pulled on her gloves. "I won't tell him." She picked Envy up, and let him rest on her shoulders again.

She yawned again, and strode across the room, pulled open the door, and left the room.

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Auri's Notes: AHHHH! -huggles Envy-kitty- That was really, REALLY OOC, I know, but I think it's adorable. XD

Arigato- Thank you

Konnichiwa (MAY HAVE SPELLED THIS WRONG)- Hello 


	8. A Swift Kick in the Ribs

**xXPureOtakuPyroXx**: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gluttony tried to eat Envy! THA WAS SO RICH! (dies of laughter) yay! Dramaticness! YOU MUST UPDATE!

**Shadows Child Kataki**: ...ENVY!...-hurts Gluttony badly while other me comes out- Uhm...Lady Kataki over there loved the chapter. It's just, this gave her a new reason to hate the tub of lard called GLuttony... . DO keep up the good work though! -drags other away-

**CorruptionGlare**: AHA HA HA HA HA! I love it update soon!

**Esplodin' Ookami**: This was adorable at parts, angsty at others, and downright hilarious at most! The broom part was funny. "BAD GLUTTONY! BAD!" XD I'm gonna go 'round saying that whenever I sweep now.

**SkitSkat7890**: I this story it's Hilarious! i can't wait to see whats going to happen next! update soon please!

**sinin**: OMG! that was cute! poor envy lol. plz update soon!

Auri's Notes: In this chapter, if you SQUINT, you may be able to tell that I don't really like Greed. I really hate abusing Envy because I feel bad for him. -hugs Envy- But I really love abusing Envy because I have an excuse to hug him. -hugs Envy _harder_-

Envy: GAH! -strains to get loose-

Me: Bwahahaha! -clings-

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Greed was sitting at the table again, a half-eaten wheat bun clutched in his hand. Wrath and Gluttony were nowhere in sight, while Sloth was leaning against the wall. They both glanced up as Lust and Envy entered.

"Envy-chan..." Sloth said gently. "How are you?"

Envy bristled. _Way to go, Sloth...give hints in front of Greed...smart_. "I'm fine, Sloth." He said, looking pointedly away.

Greed shot him an evil smile._ 'He KNOWS!' _Envy thought in horror. _'He knows what happened!'_

"Lust, we're out of food." Sloth said. "We're gonna head over to town today to get some more."

"We?" Lust asked, a brow raised.

"Me, you, and Wrath." Sloth answered. "Greed did it last time, but all he bought was booze."

"Fuck you, Sloth." Greed said sourly.

"And then you drank it all last night!" Wrath's voice floated from behind another door.

"Shut up!" Greed barked, glaring at the door.

"MAKE ME!"

Greed picked up one of the many empty bottles still littering the table, and threw it at the door, where it smashed.

"_Hey!_" Sloth smacked him in the back of the head, and he yelped.

"_ARGH!_ Dammit, Sloth...I have a hangover...leave me alone." Greed growled, rubbing the back of his head. "And get some asprin when you're in town..."

"No, I won't." Sloth hissed. "You deserve every ounce of pain you get."

"Bitch..."

Envy glanced at Lust. "Uh...so I've got no breakfast?" He asked pleadingly.

"Yeah..you have fish." She said, pointing out the window and into the bay.

"...You've got to be kidding me." Envy said slowly. "I have to...fish? But...I don't know how!" He complained incredulously.

"Sorry. But _Greed_ spent money on _booze_ and ate the last roll." She said, pointing an accusitory fingernail at Greed, who inched away from it, sneering.

"You _bastard_!" Envy breathed, his eyes narrowed angrily.

"Fuck off, kitty-boy." Greed mumbled through the bun.

"Let's go, Wrath!" Sloth called. "We're gonna go shopping!" A door opened, and Wrath hurried out.

"Gluttony ate my sock..." He pouted, holding up his now bare foot. "So I killed him. Am I in trouble?" He glanced from Sloth to Lust.

Both women shook thier heads. "No, it's fine, Wrath..." Lust said quietly.

"Let's go already..." Envy moaned.

"Uhm...you can't come, Envy..." Sloth said tentatively.

"HUUUH?"

"You'll attract too much attention..." She explained gently. "It's better if you stay here."

"But-" Envy protested, but Lust cut him off.

"No, Envy." She scolded. "But it's for the best.." She gently lifted him from his perch and placed him on the floor, where he sat down and looked pleadingly up at her.

"But I don't want to be alone with Greed and Gluttony!" Envy blurted. He cast a glance at Greed, who was holding back laughter.

"Oh, that's right...Wrath, stay here as well." Sloth said. Wrath furrowed his brow.

"Why do I have to stay?" Wrath whined, sloping his shoulder in an exaggerated manner.

"Because you have to keep track of Envy." She commanded. "Now hush." She bent down and gave her 'son' a hug, before backing away. She and Lust left without another word.

Envy was left staring at the door. An overwhelming sinking sensation overcame him. The fur on the back of his neck rose as he slowly turned to face Greed.

Greed was standing up. "Well, well, well..." He said quietly. "I hear that the kitty _cried_ last night."

Envy met Greed's gaze unfalteringly, defiance rising in his eyes.

"I'm surprised," Greed continued. "I mean, such a _powerful _homunculus, crying over something so simple as being bitten." He strode across the room towards Envy, who glared up from his spot on the floor. Greed towered over Envy, a grin on his face. "How do you feel about this _wimpy _new change, Envy-kitty?" Greed simpered. "Is being a piss-ant suiting to your tastes?"

Envy said nothing, but continued to stare.

"What, now you don't even have the guts to respond?" Greed snarled. "Say something!"

Wrath took a spot at the table, and watched the pair of them with his face unreadable.

"No cynical remarks? No flaming insults? _Nothing_?" Greed prompted. Envy knew that Greed was trying to get a rise from him. He wasn't about to let that happen. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, then opened them, trying to picture a knife flying through the air and sticking into Greed's spiky head. But Greed was still standing over him, grinning.

He was pissing Greed off and he knew it. It was so un-Envy-ish of him to be unresponsive. He closed his eyes again, and turned his head away from the sneering homunculus above him.

"DAMMIT! Say something!" Greed barked.

Envy opened his eyes a slit and glared at Greed. "Go fuck yourself." He said slowly and clearly.

A sudden loss of breath in his lungs and an excruciating pain in his ribs, accompanied with a loud SNAP, told him that Greed had kicked him. He lay limp on the ground, straining to breathe, pain constricting his air passage. Greed was grinning. Envy was trembling, his breath coming in short gasps. Every time he breathed, a jolt of pain would surge through his body. He cracked an eye open, and saw something jutting from under his skin at an odd angle. One of his ribs was broken.

He gasped as Greed kicked him again, and he toppled over in a backwards summersault, grunting with the effort not to cry out in pain.

"Such a little bastard," Greed growled. "But you know..." He swooped down and picked Envy up by the scruff of his neck. Envy felt his mouth stretch open as the folds of skin were pulled backwards, and his tongue loll from his mouth at an odd angle. Greed pulled him up to eye level, and glared at him from over his sunglasses. "I think I like you better this way."

Envy felt himself behing dropped from a great height. His feet flailed in the air as he twisted over to land on his feet, and, with a soft _thud_, he landed on the ground, and his legs buckled beneath him, pain rikocheting through his body.

It took almost all of his remaining strength just toopen his eyes. He was paralyzed. If he moved, Greed would kick him again. If he said anything, Greed would kick him again. So he just watched as Greed smirked, and strode across the room. He opened the door, and slammed it hard behind him.

Wrath got up from his spot at the table and ran to kneel besides the limp Envy.

"Envy? You okay?" He asked the obvious question.

Envy opened his mouth and wheezed, "T-that...b-bastard." He swallowed hard, and a spasm of pain jolted through him again, making him mew slightly.

"Can't..can't you heal yourself?" Wrath furrowed his brow, his haphazard mane falling over one eye.

Envy took a faint breath. "No...not anymore...c-can't change f-form...can't h-heal..." He choked. "H-help...help me...g-et Lust..."

Wrath stood up. "Why should I?" He said suspiciously.

"If...if y-you don't, I'll b-bite...your finger off." Envy groaned. He knew it was a pathetic excuse. "Or L-Lust will k-kill you and you'll b-be back in the G-Gate..." THIS seemed to jog to young homunculus into action. His eyes flew wide in horror, and he ran for the front door.

Time was lost for the poor chimera. He had no idea how many minutes it was...it couldn't have been more than twenty. No more than forty. No less than an hour. The pain slowly spread through Envy's body, first at the source (his chest), then splaying out towards his stomach, his neck, and his legs. It sparked and stabbed at his muscles, and his mind screamed at the pain to stop, but it wouldn't. Breathing was getting harder. It was an enormous effort just to keep pumping air to his lungs. In and out. In and out. In and out. What was that buzzing that filled his ears? A steady, slow droning. It was deep, too. And yet somehow soothing. It was calming. His vision was slowly seeping away...he was sinking into blackness.

-------

The next thing he knew, he was being cradled against someone's bosom, and the room was full of shouting and the sounds of blows landing. He cracked open a cautious eyelid, and saw that it was dusk. The room was filled with dim, flickering light, and the outlines of the other homunculi were moving through the room.

A crumpled figure on the ground proved to be Greed, and the person beating him with the broom was revealed to be Lust. Gluttony and Wrath were standing nearby, watching Greed get pummeled. Using the power of elimination, Envy deduced that he was in Sloth's arms. He glanced up at her, and gave a mew.

She looked down, and breathed a sigh of releif. He shifted slightly, which sent an amazingly powerful lightning bolt of pain through his body. He cried out in pain, and that, in turn contorted his smarting lungs, and made him scream harder. He closed his eyes, his mouth open in a howl.

"Dammit! Envy, don't move!" Sloth said to him, using two fingers to stroke him between the eyes. This was soothing. His panting slowed, and he stopped moving, agony still creeping through his body. He'd momentarily forgotten that he had broken ribs and possibly other serious injuries. Had he died? No, he hadn't died. Or else the pain would be gone. So then what had happened to him?

Sloth turned to Lust, who was still beating Greed and yelling. Sloth called, "Lust! He's awake!" Lust looked up, and nodded.

"Take him into my room. I'll be in shortly..." She instructed. Sloth nodded, and hurried away from the other homunculi and through the door to Lust's room. Sloth tenderly set Envy down on the camp bed. He mewed faintly, then spoke with great difficulty.

"Uh...H-uuh...W-whaat?" He demanded weakly.

"Greed broke at least three of your ribs." Sloth explained gently, kneeling on the floor next to the bed. "And one of the breaks ruptured your skin and then turned into a compound fracture."

Envy's eyes flew open wide. His eyes strained downwards towards his chest, ever so slowly, dreading what he'd see.

And what he saw was a gruesome wound gaping from his chest, where a tiny white lump poked from between the folds of skin. Envy's pupils dilated in horror, and the fur on the back of his neck raised. He felt dizzy...the world was swirling around him, and Sloth's face swam in front of his face as he felt that familiar sinking sensation.

Sloth saw the glazed expression on the chimera's face, and tugged on one of his ears, and he hissed low in his throat. "You can't faint again, Envy." She said firmly. "Not now!" The room was eerily silent except for Envy's harsh, ragged breathing, and the crashing coming from outside the room.

After about ten minutes, it quieted, and the door creaked open. Framed in a chink of light stood Lust, the broom in her hands. She dropped it and hurried to Envy's side, looking pale and worried.

Envy was drifting in and out of consiousness, despite Sloth's warning. He caught snatches of what Lust and Sloth were saying...he was drifting with the tide...feeling calm and relaxed...

"...and nobody knows how..."

"...usually heal ourselves..."

"...animal doctor..."

"...too risky..."

"...he'd die if we..."

"...Greed..."

"...veterinarian..."

And other times there would be just a worried silence...it surrounded him like a fog, flattening him, smothering him...and the pain would dull, then sharpen...and he'd understand more of the words they spoke.

"...Envy..."


	9. The Unexpected

Auri's Notes: I...am SO SO SORRY EVERYONE. I AM BACK AND AM TRYING SO HARD TO FINISH THIS STORY. -clings to everybody-

Don't worry everyone, Envy's not going to die! If Envy died, I'd have to bash my head in with a hammer. But no worries, you guys.

-------

The next day, Envy was wrapped in more rags torn from sacks, and put to rest in Lust's room. He slept for most of the day, regular bolts of pain shooting from his body, and his stomach growling in complaint. But when he WAS awake, however, he was barely aware of his surroundings. His world had turned into one of heat and pain, he was looking at his surroundings through a blurry, warped haze. It was a bizarre feeling. As though he was being stretched and then smashed back together again, then twisted from head to tail, each movement as painful and muggy as the next.

He often saw black shapes moving through his field of vision. They would come, poke and prod at him for a few seconds, then take off his bandage and slowly pour some liquid on it that burned and ached. Then, they'd put a new layer of wrapping on and then leave him to sleep. Other times, they'd force open his mouth and, using a spoon or some other kind of utensil, slowly drip small doses of water onto his parched tongue. He couldn't swallow, though, so he just let the water relax on his tongue and soothe the dry muscle.

It was around 5:00 P.M. when he was finally moved from his spot. He was gently moved onto a kind of makeshift gurney, which was really a wide strip of rucksack torn and then made into a hammock. The delirious Envy simply made a couple rasping sounds and twitched his tongue.

He remembered being brought out into the sunlight, and he instinctively closed his eyes against the blinding light. Remembered being taken into a white room. Lifted from his hammock. Placed on a table that was cold as ice and made him shudder. A loud humming filling the room. Feeling pressure on his chest. Too weak to cry out in pain. Absolute agony. A mask was placed over his face. A soft hissing as he breathed.

Dark, swirling blackness.

People moving around him. Black outlines. Someone speaking in distorted, warped voice. Too slow. Too fast. Being carried. Placed on another icy surface. A door being shut. Iron bars coming over his field of vision. Footsteps walking away. More blackness.

Fevered dreams. Half-formed thoughts chasing each other through his head. (wheres lust i want lust she knows whats wrong with me what is wrong with me i wish i knew why do i hurt so much why does everyone sound so wrong what happened this is all greeds fault hes a bastard just like the people in white why i am so cold i am cold i need a blanket i am sleeping on ice where am i why did this happen to me)

When Envy woke up, he knew three things: One, he was cold. Two, he was hungry. Three, the pain was gone. He cracked open a gummed eye, and its twin soon followed. His pupils dilated as he was hit with the light. His vision was blurred at first, but it grew clearer the more he blinked. He shook his head weakly, an unsettling dizziness setting in.  
"Muhhh...?" Was the first noise he made, a questioning moan of helplessness. He blinked, and viewed his surroundings. He was clearly in a cage, which he did NOT like. He was in a very white, very clean room. He was laying on a towel. There were more cages across the room from him, and they held many cats. They peered out at him, mewling and pawing at the bars of their cage.

He flexed his paws experimentally. He could move them without pain. He shifted his limbs. Again, no pain. He pushed himself heavily to his feet. Now, he could feel pain, but it wasn't the searing agony he'd felt before. It was more of a strained soreness that made him sit down abruptly on his towel. He felt very tight, and compact in this space. He looked down at his paws, and then down at his chest, where he saw milk-white bandages around his ribs. He took a deep breath, and then gave a soft mew as his ribs stung momentarily.

He looked out onto the room before him, and caught the eye of the cat across from him. A slender, reddish tomcat. The large tag on the front of his cage read, "Nm: Monarch; Brd: Ruddy Abyssinian; Sex: Male". The cat, apparently called Monarch, nodded his head and stared at Envy with green eyes. He meowed pointedly, and, like he could with Sasha, Envy understood what he said.

"You look funny." The mew said. Envy narrowed his eyes and glared at Monarch, who stared back at him.

"So do you." He meowed back, flicking his ears.

"But not as weird as you." Monarch retaliated, licking his paw and brushing it behind his ears. "And you smell funny, too."

"Gee, it's great to have friends in this place." Envy said sarcastically. Monarch blinked slowly.

"You act weird, too." He said, shrugging. "And you have a weird name."

"I do n...wait, how do you know what my name is?" He demanded, confusion etched on his face.

"It's on your tag, smarts." Monarch sighed, shaking his head. "Envy? What kind of name is that?"

"What kind of name is Monarch?" Envy retorted angrily, purposely drawing out the name so that it sounded like "moan-arche". The other gave a snort of disgust and snapped back.

"It's pronounced Mon-ark." He barked, wrinkling his nose angrily at Envy and curling his lip. "I guess a genius like you couldn't figure that out." Monarch turned away from Envy and curled up in his own cage, his back to Envy's view and his head hidden.

Envy opened his mouth to snap something back, but changed his mind and shut up. Finally. He stuck a paw out through the bars of his cage and flexed his claws at the air. A couple of the other cats began to caterwaul, annoyingly. The loud, droning moans of other felines made him shudder with rage.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, ALL OF YOU!"

Dead silence reigned in the room. Many pairs of amber eyes glared at him, shocked, from their cages. Envy smirked with self-satisfaction and lay down gingerly, wincing slightly as his ribs gave a nasty twang. Envy had just begin drifting off to sleep when the clicking of heels roused him. He blinked and lifted his head, then yelped as he realized that Lust was staring at him through the bars of his cage.

"I was w-!" Envy began, but Lust silenced him with a tap on the cage. A man came up beside Lust, wearing white clothes and carrying a clipboard. He and Lust talked for a few minutes in hushed voices, before Envy's cage was opened. The man reached in towards him and gently lifted him from the cage. He was put into Lust's arms, where he clung desperately.

"Make sure he gets two of these every four hours." The man was saying, holding up a large bottle of pills and leading Lust down the hallway. "He should take them with food. Try tuna or maybe peanut butter if he likes that."

They were now in what appeared to be a lobby. Envy furrowed his brow, looking around carefully at the room. A few people sat in puffy chairs, with dogs on leashes and a few of them had cats in cages. One small child pointed at Envy and whispered to his mother, "He's funny looking, mommy!" Envy growled threataningly at the boy, who gasped and clung to his mother's coat sleeve. A cruel smile spread across Envy's face, and he turned back to Lust, who was handing the receptionist some money. Vet bills, he supposed.

"What's happened with Greed?" Envy asked, as soon as they were out of earshot of the town. They were walking back to the shiphouse, down a dirt road that was sloshed with mud. It had apparently rained while he was away.

"He's still being a goddamn bastard that doesn't give a care about anybody else." Lust said with a shrug. Envy wrinkled his nose and furrowed his brow, but said nothing except for, "Hm."

The door of the shiphouse was slightly ajar. No sound could be heard from within, which was a good sign… or was it? Lust pushed the door further inside. It creaked ominously. A soft moaning could be heard from inside, as well as a soft scuffling noise.

"Gluttony? Greed? Guys?" Lust entered the room. It was very dark. She fumbled for the light switch, still unaware of what had occurred in the room. Envy let out a low hiss.

"I thought you buffoons might be here." Said a honeyed voice. She was there, sitting in a chair in the middle of the room, her legs crossed delicately over the other. The rest of the homunculi were sprawled about the room, groaning and bleeding.

Dante flipped a lock of dark hair over her ear, smirking slightly. "I knew you would look for someplace to hide. After you'd failed."

Lust was dead silent. Envy's eyes opened wide. That person was here? Now? What? Confusion swam in his mind, and he shook his head.

"Yes, Envy, I know that is you." Dante said quietly, standing up. "I know what happened." She clicked forward, towards him, and lay an icy hand upon his head. He shuddered, and gritted his teeth. Her touch was like death itself. "I'm terribly sorry, son." She gently placed the tips of her fingers together, and then placed one hand upon Envy's chest. He glowed a faint blue, and he felt his ribs mend. "You won't be needing that anymore." She purred, gently pulling Envy's bandages from his chest. He felt several furs part company with his skin, and a shudder of pain rippled up his spine. Dante began pulling Envy from Lust's grip. Lust reached out one hand for him, her expression weak, and defeated. Envy strained against that person's grasp, but her hands were like iron vices. 


End file.
